How to Talk to Your Coach About How You Like to Be Coached
Every athlete has different needs when it comes to coaching. Some competitors thrive when their coach gives them step-by-step instructions during a match, while others perform best with minimal guidance, only needing reminders about time and score. The same goes for post-match feedback—some athletes want immediate analysis, while others need time to decompress before discussing what happened.
If you’ve ever felt that the way you’re being coached doesn’t quite match your learning or competition style, it’s worth having a conversation with your coach. Here’s how you can do it effectively.
1. Why Athlete-Coach Communication Matters
A good coach wants to help their athletes perform at their best. However, if an athlete doesn’t communicate their preferences, the coach has no way of knowing what works best for them. Clear communication can:
- Reduce frustration during competition.
- Improve focus and decision-making under pressure.
- Help the coach give feedback in a way that’s actually useful.
If you’ve ever been overwhelmed by a coach giving too many instructions mid-match or felt lost because they weren’t saying enough, a simple conversation can make all the difference.
2. Understanding Your Own Coaching Preferences
Before talking to your coach, take a moment to reflect on what actually helps you perform at your best. Ask yourself:
- During a match, do I want:
- Step-by-step guidance on what to do next?
- General reminders about time, score, and strategy?
- Minimal coaching so I can focus on making my own decisions?
- After a match, do I want:
- Immediate feedback on what I did well and what I could improve?
- Time to cool off before discussing the match?
- A mix—maybe a brief check-in at first, then a deeper breakdown later?
Understanding your own tendencies will make it much easier to communicate them to your coach.
3. How to Have the Conversation with Your Coach
Once you’ve identified your preferences, bring them up with your coach in a respectful and constructive way. The best time to do this is outside of practice or competition, when both you and your coach can have a calm and open conversation.
Example 1: Adjusting Coaching Style During a Match
If your coach tends to micromanage during matches, but you prefer more freedom, you might say:
“Coach, I really appreciate your guidance, and I know you’re trying to help me during matches. I’ve noticed that I perform best when I can focus on making my own decisions, rather than getting step-by-step instructions. I’d love if we could try a coaching approach where you focus on reminding me about time, score, and key strategy points instead of play-by-play directions. Would that work for you?”
If you feel like your coach doesn’t give enough direction during matches, you could say:
“Coach, I was thinking about my last tournament, and I realized that I struggle when I don’t hear enough from my corner. Would you be willing to give me more specific guidance during my matches? I think it would really help me execute my game plan better.”
Example 2: Post-Match Feedback Preferences
If you need time to decompress after a loss, you could say:
“Coach, I really value your feedback, but after a tough loss, I sometimes need a little time to cool off before I can take it in. Would it be okay if we waited about 15 minutes before breaking down my match?”
On the other hand, if you prefer immediate feedback, you might say:
“Coach, I’d really like to get feedback right away after a match, win or lose. It helps me process things better in the moment. If you notice something important, I’d love to hear it as soon as I walk off the mat.”
These conversations don’t have to be long or complicated, but they should be clear and direct.
4. Adjusting Over Time for the Best Results
Your ideal coaching style might evolve as you gain experience. Maybe you start off wanting step-by-step guidance, but later, you prefer more independence. Or maybe you thought you wanted time to process after a loss but realize that immediate feedback is more useful.
Don’t be afraid to check in with your coach from time to time:
“Hey Coach, I know we talked about how I like to be coached a while ago. I think I might need to adjust things a little. Can we try ______ instead?”
Coaches appreciate athletes who take ownership of their development, and a small adjustment in communication can make a huge difference in both your performance and your relationship with your coach.
Final Thoughts
Every athlete is different, and a great coach understands that not everyone responds to the same coaching style. By knowing yourself, communicating clearly, and keeping an open dialogue with your coach, you can create a coaching dynamic that helps you perform at your best.
If you’re an athlete who’s never had this conversation before, take the time to think about what you need—and don’t hesitate to bring it up. A simple conversation could be the key to unlocking your full potential.